I am not a carnival

I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.

Mimilanie Laurel Marquez-Lawyer is a Filipina model who has been featured on national and international magazine covers, and toured Europe and the United States. She played roles in action and drama flicks, including the title role in her own bio-pic, and became a TV host, film producer, author, celebrity endorser, and a modeling and image-enhancement coach. She trained Miriam Quiambao (Miss Universe 1999 1st runner-up); Charlene Gonzales (Miss Universe 1994 4th runner-up); and Ruffa Gutierrez (Miss World 1993 2nd Princess). You don’t just become a personality development coach if you don’t have credentials for the job. Did I mention that she is a beauty queen? She is otherwise known as Melanie Marquez, THE 1979 Miss International whose ticket to represent the Philippines in that pageant in Tokyo, Japan was her answer “I am contented with my long-legged” when asked “Would you insure your legs, like actress Angie Dickinson, who insured her legs for a million dollars?”

If that wasn’t enough, you should’ve listened to her answering the phone. “Hello. Wait a moment. Please hang yourself.”

And when asked about plans for Christmas, “Well, I want to spend my holidays with my family most probably out of place.”

“Why should I have a calling card? I’m not a call girl.” (Her reply to a certain duke when she was asked for her calling card.)

Like a true blue Filipino, she’d put her family first. Even on national TV, she’d dare to stand up for her brother, “Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.”

When asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy, “Don’t worry little angel, big angel is here.”

On what they should do to the houseboy who molested her daughter, “He should be put behind BAR.”

While waiting backstage during a noontime show after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number: “Nikki, you’re so galing. You should go to the States. YOU WILL SELL HOTCAKES!”

While she’s in Morning Girls With Kris Aquino & Korina Sanchez promoting her movie with Aleck Bovick, “Please watch HIRAM starring Aleck Baldwin (referring to Aleck Bovick) and myself. It’s DIRECTOR by Romy Suzara.”

After giving birth, in an interview on The Buzz, “My answers have been prayered!”

“I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.” I don’t know where she originally said this though, but I think it would sound cooler to call an animal that eats other animals that.

For anything else, she is more famous for her ditsy malapropisms, commonly Carabao English, that has somehow become a system of communication with its own set of conventions or special words. They’ve called it Melanisms. As a result, Melanie has turned into a comic entertainer. Only she was really serious when she said them. There is certainly no shortage of hilarious malapropism slips, so I will then make it my mission to commit my time and energy to writing about this usually unintentionally humorous misuse or distortion of the English language from the world of famous celebrities, TV presenters, sports stars, commentators, and so on. Uhmm. On second thought, maybe not.


9 thoughts on “I am not a carnival

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